The alternative to Failure

In follow up to yesterdays story, I found an article that strongly resonated:

“What would you have me do instead?

To the critic who decries a project as a worthless folly, something that didn’t work out, something that challenged the status quo and failed, the artist might ask,

“Is it better to do nothing?”

To the critic who hasn’t shipped, who hasn’t created his art, anything less than better-than-what-I -have-now appears to be a waste. To this critic who thinkg, progress should only occur in leaps, in which a fully functioning, perfected new device/book/project/process/system appears and instantly and perfectly replaces the current model.

We don’t need your sharp wit or enmity, please. Our culture needs your support instead.

Each step by any (and every) one who ships moves us. It might show us what won’t work, it might advance the state of the art or it might merely encourage others to give it a try as well.

To those who feel that they have no choice but to create, thank you.

----Awesome post by Seth Godin

Self worth?

Class was over. I got up with the kids to leave, when I  heard the comment made by a peer who decided to sit in that day "You really did not miss much at all. That was nothing great"  It was made loudly enough to someone who just came in, so that I heard it. I mean after all it was directed at me (the teacher of the class) with all intention of causing irritation/annoyance.

And without doubt, it did exactly that. Nay, it did more....I was upset and hurt. Upset because in that moment, I felt I failed. I felt I was worthless. I felt that all the effort I was taking - was all pointless. 

Words hurt, more than we give them credit for.

A cloud appeared over my head, and my usual cheeriness disappeared in an instant. The cloud followed me all day, leaving behind an aftermath of glumness, poor self-esteem and wanting to give up. Mind you, I am a masterful actress and despite the inner turmoil put up the best smile - but ever so often there was spill over!

That was until I had the thought " Why in heaven's name am I giving this guys so much air-time in my head? My self worth, in no means, is measured out by one person's opinion. Besides, the work I do, is not to earn praise, I do it because I want to and love to - in a way I think is best. I cannot fit into a niche someone else built for me. It would be the same as thinking Danush and Hugh Jackman needed to be exactly the same because they were actors. The two greats had their own ways and appealed to their own masses - I need to be the same"

In that instant I felt liberated and grounded.


NOTE: As a society, we are very adept at being critics but fail at giving support. Encourage the struggling artist, the young inventor, the girl who wants to change the world, or the guy who wants to be the next tom cruise. They need encouragement, not sniggering. Thoughts?

Gratitude

The morning started of with much chaos. I was running late for work, and I was thoroughly annoyed with the fact that no one else understood the gravity of situation. My sister still waddled around at a snail's pace, my mother was only just easing into her morning pooja and the maid was outside playing with the kittens. And all this exactly when I needed some help. Argh - what was wrong with them!?

I shoved some breakfast down my throat and left in a hurry - after telling everyone exactly how irritated I was. 

As I rode to my office, which is luckily about 40 minute away - I had a chance to cool down and reflect on what a douche I had been - for no real reason at all. My poor family was only trying to help me, but in my morning rage, all I could see was everything they were doing wrong. 

It was then that I noticed a little girl and her mother outside a shack on the streets. She was dressed in rags and her mother was wearing a torn yellow sari stained with dirt and grease. I watched them laugh as the mother combed the child's hair with a comb that had all together 4 teeth on it - that was happiness.

And here I was being fed hot breakfast in the morning, have an amazing home to stay in, a family that would do anything no matter how badly I treated them, friends that helped me whenever I was down, a job that payed me well and kept me happy, a bike to call my own - and I was being ungrateful.

What a 360 degree change in perspective. I decided to be more grateful and count my blessings. 

And i would like to start with being grateful for you, yeah you - who is reading this, Thank you for stopping by - it really really means a lot :)

I hate saying NO.

Especially when it comes to close friends, family and new opportunities. What's the big deal you might ask?

Well, for most of the time I feel like a juggler - running from one thing to another with absolutely no time to myself. I am always ticking off a mental list and figuring where I need to be next - or what I need to do next!

As I spoke to close friends, family and wise one's, I realised this was a problem a lot of people faced.

So in an effort to help myself, I created a little checklist of sorts -if something did not full fill all criterion, it was getting a big fat NO,  despite how hard it was to say those words!

1) Do I have the time to do this? To give it my 100%? Or am I just going to give it half-arsed attention and finish it?

2) Is it in alignment with my long term goals?

3) Is it helping me/people/community in ways better than what I am doing now?

4) Will I be adequately compensated for the attention and time I am taking away from my current project? (NOTE: Compensation does not need to mean money alone, it can mean skills, fun and learning too)

No does not mean you hate someone and want to create conflict - sadly though that's what most of us think.  Sometimes all it takes is an explanation as to why we said no, and a friendly tone of voice to make the other person understand.

What are your thoughts??

Breathe..

I have a confession to make. A big one.

Remember long long ago, not so long ago, but sometime ago ( ok enough with the long ago's) I did this Aah-maah-zing  interview with Adriano Zumbo - Patissier extrodinare, master chef hunk and food innovator?  

Well, two very interesting things happened on the day of the interview. I packed all my gear (i.e a pen, paper and my camera to record it all), wore my best clothes and found my way to Zumbo's store in Roselle, Sydney.  I stood outside the store and couldn't bring myself to open the front door. I had a million butterflies fluttering around in my belly and I was nervous wreck. 

"Breathe" I ordered myself - but to no avail. 

Now, being a seasoned actor - I put on my best smile, despite the million butterflies threatening to burst out of me, and walked in. His assistant Rose, very sweetly led me upstairs to meet the man himself. I shook his hand with my sweaty palms and sat down opposite him, trying to pull out the questions I had prepared. "Breathe" I ordered myself  again....but nothing was working.

I turned on my camera, hit the record button and asked him a whole bunch of questions. What happened on the next 20 was an absolute BLUR. I only know my time there had come to an end when he said "Would you like some Macaroons" 

"Yes Please" I think I said a bit too eagerly. I got a hand picked box of 6 macaroons, personally packed my Zumbo himself - and left feeling super Happy!!

I had just interviewed a really famous man, scored some free macaroons and achieved a personal goal. Yaay. 

I called for a cab, jumped in and turned my camera on to watch how the interview went ( since most of Q&A session was a blur). And Guess what I discovered? In my nervousness, I had hit the start button instead of the record button - I felt like a complete Dumbo.

Oh well, at least I had the macaroons to make me feel ok.

Limitless

It's so easy to have a black and white list of the things you're not capable of doing. A hard limit, a boundary that says you just don't have the genes to make art, speak up, write, give a speech, be funny, be charming, be memorable, come through in the clutch, survive an ordeal like this one... it's easy to give up.

In response, we ask, "not even once?" Never once have you been funny or inspired or connected? Not even once have you been trusted, eager or orginal? Not even once have you written a sentence that someone else was happy to read, or asked a question that needed to be asked?

Now that we know it's possible, the real question is, "how often can you do it again?"

- Seth Godin

Here is to ensuring no one, not even you, define your boundries. Here is to being limitless and making it a habit!!

Starting Something

It was 5:45 in the morning and I was on the beach with a few friends. We had gone to catch a glimpse of the ever elusive sunrise on the beaches of Chennai.

As we sat there chatting, I noticed two boys playing soccer. Their footwork was amazing and their stamina to run on the sand was very impressive. So in a moment of spontaneity, I excused myself from the group and ran up to join them.

Before I knew it, I too was involved in the game. Half an hour had passed and my friends yelled out that it was time to go home. I shook hands with the boys, thanked them for the game and left.

As I walked back to my friends, one of them asked "I didn't know that you played soccer every Saturday?" I laughed and told him that I didn't.  I just liked the game and thought it would be a bit of fun to join in. I couldn't tell if he was satisfied or confused by my answer.

But I did think it was interesting that by just standing up and joining them, I might be confused for the third member of the group. Because, ofcourse, being the first, second or third person to stand up and follow enthusiastically can have just as much impact as being the guy who played on his own.

Leading courageously and following with conviction are both needed to make change

Random thoughts on a rainy day...

I sit here, watching the rain pitter patter against the wings of the pigeons that waddle along the streets of Melbourne. Fat on Mcdonalds, I wonder if our lives are really much different to theirs? A constant scramble for food…for survival? Establishing a pecking order and sticking to it, until some renegade decides to break it. He will be rewarded in isolation or kinship and heroism. Why are rewards so polar? Or would a better question be –are rewards polar only when we care about them??

People walking by…all lost in their own worlds, with things to accomplish, jobs to do, coffees to drink, friends to meet. When will anyone stop to appreciate the rain? The madness? the beauty of the chaos that is life?

I sit here sipping a coffee that is way too sweet. I shouldn’t drink anymore of it, and yet I feel obliged to. Worth 4$ a cup, I find it hard to justify I bought it to decorate the inside of a garbage bin in misty brown and white. Why do I do this to myself ??

20 Questions

It was a Friday afternoon and I desperately needed to recharge my batteries. I had a battering week, with problem after problem seeming to fall from the sky and the only way I could find solace was in the company of a like- minded friend. So I went to her place to indulge in some senseless chit-chat, delicious food and some much needed pampering.

As we sat and spoke about our lives, our jobs and our ambitions to redefine the world, the topic of growth came up. We both thought it was important that no matter how old you grow...you need to keep learning and consequently keep growing. Stagnation as we observed not only deteriorates your mind but in the long run your relationship with people and objects.

So, to ensure that the two of us never got 'stuck' we made a pact - a pact to check up on each others growth. I came up/found some questions and we decided that once a week, we would catch up and review how we were doing?

Here are the Questions: 

1.What did I learn last week? – If you have trouble answering this question, it’s time for a change.  It doesn’t matter how old you are, you should learn something new every week.

2.What was my greatest accomplishment over the past week? – Reflecting on your accomplishments is a healthy way to raise self confidence and contentment.  It’s also an effective way to track your progress.

3.Which moment from last week was the most memorable and why? – It may open up your mind to new passions and goals, or simple pastimes worth revisiting.

4.What’s the #1 thing I need to accomplish this week? – Everything else is secondary, and should be treated as such.  Nevertheless, this question will also shine light on other noteworthy tasks.

5.What can I do right now to make the week less stressful? – Set reminders in your calendar, get your laundry done, fill the car with gas… organize yourself.

6.What have I struggled with in the past that might also affect the upcoming week? – The idea here is to learn from your struggles and better equip yourself for future encounters.

7.What was last week’s biggest time sink? – Steer clear of this in the future.  Setup physical barriers against distractions if you have to.

8.Am I carrying any excess baggage into the week that can be dropped? – Physical clutter, mental clutter… eliminate the unnecessary so the necessary may shine bright.

9.What have I been avoiding that needs to get done? – Pencil in a time to get these things done.  For any 2-minute or less tasks, consider scheduling them first thing Monday morning.

10.What opportunities are still on the table? – If it’s still available and you want it, make a concrete plan to go after it this week.

11.Is there anyone I’ve been meaning to talk to? – Regular communication can solve problems before they fester. Always keep an open line of communication to those around you.

12.Is there anyone that deserves a big ‘Thank You’? – Take time each week to thank the people who have helped you.  Your kind gesture will not go unnoticed.

13.How can I help someone else this coming week? – The easiest way to get what you want is to help others get what they want.  If you help them, they will remember you when you need help.

14.What are my top 3 goals for the next 3 years? – You’ll never make any progress in life if you don’t setup realistic goals for yourself.

15.Have any of my recent actions moved me closer to my goals? – If the answer is no, something needs to change.

16.What’s the next step for each goal? – Knowing the next step is the key to accomplishing the whole.

17.What am I looking forward to during the upcoming week? – The answer can act as a great source of motivation.  If nothing exists, schedule something to look forward to.

18.What are my fears? – Consciously address your fears each week and slowly work on resolving them.  It’s all about taking baby steps.

19.What am I most grateful for? – It’s a smart way to keep things in perspective, and something you should never lose sight of.

20.If I knew I only had one week to live, who would I spend my time with? – Another helpful reminder… Life is short.  Spend more time with the people you care about.

Hopefully they help you in your quest to be ‘unstuck’

Only 1% Create

Today's post is inspired by something I read on Fred Wilson's blog. For this of you who do not know who he is, Fred Wilson is a successful VC in New York as well as a really popular blogger.

He says and I quote "Out of 100 people, 1% will create the content, 10% will curate the content, and the other 90% will simply consume it." As someone who blogs (sparsely nowadays) I know that much of my 'content', if you can call it that, is inspired by things I have read elsewhere on the internet. So then I questioned am I just the 10 % that curates ? I do modify and adapt it to my situation yes....but isn't that still a fanciful way to curate information?

If I really think of this, aren't entire websites like Pinterest, Tumblr, Twitter  built on the principle of curation? After all they allow and in fact encourage users to post media and links that they did not create.

Have we turned into a culture that prefers curation to creation just because its easier?? I am actually not sure. One thing is for sure I shall endeavour to create more original content henceforth. 

Would love to hear your thoughts on the idea.

Kindness is underated

Last night I was telling my friend how I refuse to believe that you have to be a jerk in order to be super-crazy-successful. And just now, I stumbled upon this post by Marc Johns in which he states that he believes kindness is underrated. I couldn't agree more.

“Stop praising the jerks. It reinforces bad behavior.”
- Marc Johns