Sunday, November 24, 2013

Self worth?

Class was over. I got up with the kids to leave, when I  heard the comment made by a peer who decided to sit in that day "You really did not miss much at all. That was nothing great"  It was made loudly enough to someone who just came in, so that I heard it. I mean after all it was directed at me (the teacher of the class) with all intention of causing irritation/annoyance.

And without doubt, it did exactly that. Nay, it did more....I was upset and hurt. Upset because in that moment, I felt I failed. I felt I was worthless. I felt that all the effort I was taking - was all pointless. 

Words hurt, more than we give them credit for.

A cloud appeared over my head, and my usual cheeriness disappeared in an instant. The cloud followed me all day, leaving behind an aftermath of glumness, poor self-esteem and wanting to give up. Mind you, I am a masterful actress and despite the inner turmoil put up the best smile - but ever so often there was spill over!

That was until I had the thought " Why in heaven's name am I giving this guys so much air-time in my head? My self worth, in no means, is measured out by one person's opinion. Besides, the work I do, is not to earn praise, I do it because I want to and love to - in a way I think is best. I cannot fit into a niche someone else built for me. It would be the same as thinking Danush and Hugh Jackman needed to be exactly the same because they were actors. The two greats had their own ways and appealed to their own masses - I need to be the same"

In that instant I felt liberated and grounded.


NOTE: As a society, we are very adept at being critics but fail at giving support. Encourage the struggling artist, the young inventor, the girl who wants to change the world, or the guy who wants to be the next tom cruise. They need encouragement, not sniggering. Thoughts?